I want to take a moment to speak on something that has been on my heart lately – calling it quits in life. Now I want to preface by saying that this is a topic that would normally be something detrimental, is definitely something that we are all about when living simplified and focused. It is not meant to be taken in a negative way by any means, but in a positive one that will spark a change in you like it has in me today!

The best way to get the point across is to talk from personal experience. So here it goes…

Since I was little kid living in the South Bronx, New York, I have loved and played basketball. It has been a part of my life that helped shape many of the values that I believe and follow off the court. Studying film, plays, working on the fundamentals, you name it, it was a good way to make friends, stay in shape, but most of all do something that I loved to do.

So let’s fast-forward 20 some odd years into the present, 2011. I’ve played basketball on almost every coast but the north coast of the USA I played semi-pro, had a chance to play in the pros, I have been blessed to have had basketball in my life! But my love for the game of basketball just is not there anymore.

Why you say? I don’t know, maybe the birth of my second child, my oldest daughter’s introduction into the wide world of sports, physically starting to feel the wear and tear of 2 decades of basketball, being more involved with the community, church, school, additional work duties and responsibilities and just plain old maturation have set in. I knew that a decision had to be made and had to be made soon, but I continued to procrastinate and convince myself to keep going.

Then it dawned on me friends, it was just plain time to call it quits. I came to the realization when our priest spoke the following one day at church and I came across this quote from the great Alexander Graham Bell:

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

My time was up. It was time to move on. My body had been telling me for a couple of years already, but I continued to convince myself otherwise. Plus when playing basketball as of late, it just was not fun because I knew that I could be somewhere else much more important. I had to quit what I was doing period! It did not mean that that would be the end of the road, but the beginning of a new one – if I was looking for it!

My true personal story is just an analogy, but if there is something in your life that has grown stale, is no/not good for you, then take the message that I am relaying to heart today:

…quitting something you do or love in live can be hard, but sometimes it is worth it so you can move on to the next thing that is in store for you which you will most likely love even more.

You can go on forever pushing yourself to continue on how you have, but just remember that you ARE NOT being true to yourself. Life evolves, you must evolve!

Know your limits in life, but don’t be afraid to explore others. You are not a failure for not doing something in life unless you say you are. If anyone else says otherwise, oh well; they probably couldn’t fill your shoes if they tried and they and you know it!

So how have I ended up? Actually pretty well. I am in the best shape of my life at this point. I run long distance, weight train, bicycle, walk, you name it. The biggest gain has been that instead of me hanging with the fellas shooting hoops, I exercise out with my family which, sorry fellas, is much much more important to me at this phase of my life.

Remember friends, you only get one life. So love and live it like you can no other. And always understand, which is what I have learned from everything thus far, is that the present will be the past in no time, so keep fluid and look ahead for the greatness that lies ahead for you.
So until next time friends, I will leave you with this:

From time to time, life throws some good one’s at you. It keeps you guessing and on your feet and constantly making decisions. Sometimes the decisions are as easy as the red pill or green pill, but sometimes there is a blue pill in there as well. Choices and what to do huh?

You must become the master of yourself. What I mean by that is that you must be able to make decisions that will dictate the path that you want to take in life; want meaning that you know your current path is not working and that you must change. You should never let others dictate your path because we all have journeys that are planned for us or that we need to experience first hand.

Many think that changing the way they have live their lives is something that is hard to do and to be honest it is not as long as you know what you want and are willing to give up the old things and ways in the process. The first and foremost thing that you MUST do is to have confidence. This is the key to setting everything else in motion. You are about to embark of something that is going to change your life, you must have confidence to know that theire will be bumps and bruises, which are normal. If you are in a relationship with someone who does not provide that, then honestly you should look inward for your inspiration. If you are around a group that is not conducive to your ways and thoughts, you must get within a group that is conducive to your ways and thoughts. The goal is to put YOU first; not second, last, but FIRST.

One of the hardest things in life is to take the emotions out of a situation and focus on the facts so that you can understand where you are at now and where you need to go in life. Continuing on the same path you are on, if you are struggling with something, will halt you the same result plain and simple. If you are truly sick and tired of the way things are in your life, YOU must be the first to take action and promote change from within. God and prayer is your primary support system, followed by your family. Friends, I would not let them influence you even if they have your best interest in mind because it is about you and nothing else. No agendas, no drama, no nothing else but you, getting you on a new path to happiness and success in your life.

Normally I provide steps on how to achieve and accomplish things to life simplified and focused and I feel that the following steps will definitely get you on the right path to choosing your fresh and new path in life, minus the fluff, drama and noise that surrounds and influences you on a daily basis. Do the following to begin to change you life path today friends:

1. Separate yourself from any and all negativity in your life: The hardest but most important thing to do in this process. You need separation from those things that have emotional and physical holds on you so that you can begin thought building on a clean slate on how to change your life path.
2. Design and Implement your plan: Think, map and write out on paper, where you want to go in life. Push yourself to go place you have never been before and to be different and change. Not trying to change will get you no where and this will all be in vain. Plus remember that in today modern age of PDA’s, tablets and computers, it is easy to type up your goals but never look at them. Writing is a good way to record your plan because you put in the work to design it out on paper. You spent the necessary time developing your plan and writing it out and with writing it out, you are more likely to treasure that than a word or pdf document. Trust me on this!
3. Build a “small” support system: Build your support system of trusted individuals, who you will share your life plan with, to help you meet the objectives in your plan. Like we suggested, religious or family members are best as they have more of a personal bond with you and can give you the “tough love” that you will need from time to time.
4. Implement your plan: The hardest part yes, but the most important and necessary part. You have to be willing to tell yourself that you will not continue with the way things have been and stick to the plan you formulated to change. Many people fall back into their traps in life because they don’t have the confidence necessary to hurdle over the big objectives, which are always emotional. You have to be willing to trust your support system and listen to their un-biased opinions about you and your situation and how to change according to your plan. You must not let emotions drive you when implementing your plan because they will always influence you. You must remember that if you are changing something that influences your emotions, then that thing must not have been good for you in the first place (think about this sentence). Many overlook this little fact and wind up back in the same situation they were in before reading this blog post. Why do all of the work to not take it anywhere? Why take this advice? STICK TO THE SCRIPT. POINT BLANK PERIOD!

You CAN and WILL change your life path if you take the time and make a dedicated decision to changing it no matter what. No one on this earth can control you or your thoughts ever – remember this. Only you can do that. So take full advantage of the ability to live your life the way that you want to today. You cannot change others, but you can change yourself. So what are you waiting for,

GET GOING!!!

What is The Sunday Special? The Sunday Special is a series of blogs devoted to Sunday’s what they are for and all about.

As many of us know, Sunday is considered the day of rest. Sunday is a good day to snuggle up with those you love and enjoy them, the day, surroundings, love and life itself. Too many times, we fail to reflect on the meaning of life and our lives and think it is all about the grind and struggle, but in actuality it is the opposite. It is to have the mindset of humbleness, gratefulness, love and to live life the way it was envisioned – with peace. It is to enjoy today and be in the now.

Looking at the picture above, let me tell you what Sunday (or your equivalent day) should mean to us. Sunday should be the most important day in our whole entire week. Sunday in the picture is not at the top of the stack, but at the bottom and for good reason. Sunday should be the base for your soul. Sunday, in Christian religions and faiths, is considered to be the day of worship and rest. It is the day that our Lord God finished making the heavens and the earths and rested.

Sunday, the end of the weekend for some, the beginning of a new week for others, should always be treated with high regard and respect regardless how you see it. Normally on Sundays some of us kick back to some sports (on TV or outside), while other worship and others yet pick up and work on pet projects, Sundays are that day that we kick back. Kiddos normally do not have anything going on, many stores are closed, Sundays are held in high regard in our communities by many. Sunday should be a day that you not only recharge your spirit and self via devotion, family, relaxation, etc, but it should also serve as your preparation to embark on your journey for the coming week as well. In the same breath, Sunday should be a day filled with love and peace, not a lot of running around and errands, but smelling the roses, hugging our loved ones, being still and embracing life in all its glory.

I know some of us, for reasons beyond our control, cannot enjoy the day like we want. Some of us travel on Sunday to go back home from vacation, or head out to the next client site for the week; we understand that life sometimes does not and can not stop on Sunday’s. But just because of this, it does not mean that you can succumb to the pressures of not being able to enjoy your Sunday. Keep things / thoughts with you to bring you to your point of peace on this day amongst these travels, so that you can keep yourself grounded. Be it a call back home, sending text messages or emails to your loved ones, social networking, reading scriptures, being still and breathing nice and easy, take time to relax and love yourself as many of us do and experience life between your spurts.

We all have lives that are challenging and hard, but make sure that you treat your Sundays as the foundation for your life. Like the rocks, the Sunday base rock holds all the rest of days (rocks) together. Even though the picture may seem unreal, trust me it is real and these rocks do balance . As much as the other rocks will move, shift, fall off, Sunday never will. Sunday will always be there to support you through thick or thin. Just make sure that you keep Sunday first and foremost in your life and it will reciprocate. If your Sunday is really a Wednesday or a Monday, then make those days “Your Sunday” each and every week, no excuses.

All of us can only go so long before we need to slow down, recharge, re-energize. Don’t pass up the opportunity given to many of us to enjoy your day with family, friends, food, fun, peace, relaxation and love. Be true to yourself and enjoy yourself on your Sunday. It will make a world of difference!

We play the hands of cards life gives us. And the worst hands can make us the best players. ~Doc Searls

Seriously though…

This blog post and series is for all the men out their either becoming new dads for the first time or once again. For those who know nothing to those who know it all, you can learn something from this series so put your cockiness aside and listen to the good word!

Many of us have no problem doing the deed, but have problems after the deed is done and times change and get tough. Being that I am safe in my own skin and good about my man-ness and train of thought on the subject, I thought I would take a moment to share and teach some of my simple yet valuable information with you, so you can understand what it will really take here men.

This part of the series, Be a Man!, means just that; BE A MAN!!!

Too many times I see men go half-way and then fall off when it comes to having kids. They don’t want to be around once the kid comes into the world because they have important “stuff” to do. Many of these guys I know come from a variety of backgrounds. Some have no parent figures, some do, but most have the mindset that it is “the women job” to tend to the newborn. Say what? Hold up!

Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING, is as and important as being a MAN FOR YOUR FAMILY. Let me repeat that:

NOTHING IS AS IMPORTANT AS BEING A MAN, THE MAN, FOR YOUR FAMILY!

Too many times we feel we cannot add benefit or we do not want to, thus beginning an endless cycle of negative and bad times between our loved ones and family. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. Be there for your family and do not be coward. The time you spend with your friends, or doing something you like to do, does not have to stop; but it should become secondary in your life with the primary focus being on your family. I work full time, love to exercise, run my own business on the side, but those are things I get to once my family is taken cared of, period. There has not and will not be any discussion on that fact; that men, is how you should approach fatherhood!

I have a lot of respect for women in general, but what they go through during pregnancy should be commended. They make the ultimate sacrifice not only to their bodies, but their personal / social lives, you name it. Is it too much to ask for us guys to be there for them since they endured 9 months of torture? Some of yall need to wake up and understand where you are at before it is too late.

Recently, Victoria (co-author here at zenthat) and I had our second child Malia:

Malia, days old!

Being in the delivery room with my wife for the birth of Malia, and our first – daughter Lana:

Lana, a little older now of course!

…being there during those late nights, the good times, the bad times, for both of my children has shaped my life in a way that is unimaginable. It is life altering and changing to say the least, but is so in a way that will impact the way I know I will live for the rest of my life.

Men, don’t lose sight to what is important in life. Do not make the fatal mistake of being selfish. Be there and be not only an example to others but to yourself of what it takes to be a man. Don’t do it for the looks, the compliments, do it for the love and do it well!

Men, MAN UP, and do what is right. If you feel you cannot, man up about it and talk to your loved one. It is normal to be scared, I was my first time. But second time around, it is a breeze (minus the lack of sleep) and is worth every single moment!

For all those daddy’s who have recently have their first or other child, congratulations to you. And keep your eyes posted on this series for more to come!